


Produce X Angst

by Hyeongjunnie



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Produce X 101 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Bulimia, Bullying, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Sick Character, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-07-08 01:51:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19861576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyeongjunnie/pseuds/Hyeongjunnie
Summary: Everybody knows the unfairness rumors of the Mnet survival show, Produce X 101. Little did they know how much, much worse the conditions were.(Work is purely fictional and not canon)





	1. Don't Overwork, Dongpyo.

**Author's Note:**

> Summary: Due to the hate he's been receiving, Dongpyo begins to feel insecure because he thinks he doesn't deserve the center. Seungwoo comforts him.
> 
> Warning: Sickness, overworking, depressing thoughts, Seungwoo calling Dongpyo 'baby' and 'babyboy' tho their relationship is purely platonic. Plus a whole lotta angst.

(Dongpyo POV)

I trudged along the hallways, my heart heavy as I wearily entered the practice room, breaking out in a yawn. My head felt as if it was going to explode with all of the negative thoughts I was trying to push out. Or etch deeper into my brain. 

"Dongpyo~ our center!"

Hyeongjun cheerfully bounced up to me, smiling brightly but as soon as he saw my drained features, he gasped.

"Dongpyo-ah, are you alright? You look terrible, gosh." 

Stretching, I lied right through my teeth, shrugging and getting to the point.  
"Lets practice!"

The whole 'Pretty Girl' team looked at me, baffled, but didn't protest to my request and we began practicing.

(10:30 AM)

Get it together, Dongpyo. You're fake. You're not manly enough. You need to sing and dance better. You're too short. You need to lose weight. You don't deserve to be the center. I usually knew better than to pay attention to comments online, but I looked and they'd been circling in my head all day. Perhaps it's because deep down, it's true. It's so fucking true, I'm useless, I'm- SLAM. I'd lost my footing and slammed right onto the ground, my whole body protesting as pain shot through my limbs. Pathetic. Wonjin immediately rushed over, followed by the others. 

"Oh my god, Dongpyo-ah, don't move. We'll get a paramedic." 

"No!"

I yelled, but then put on a brave stance and brushed it off with a cute smile. 

"Really, hyung~? I'm fine! I'm Son Dongpyo! I'm too talented to be hurt, don't worry!~"

Wonjin frowned as I cradled my ribs slightly, but just about believed me. 

"If you say so..don't overwork, okay?" 

I nodded and excused myself to the solo practice room. "Yes~ I'm going to practice solo now!"

(7:00 PM) 

Weak. Again. Higher. Louder. Clearer. I pushed and pushed myself to sing the notes of 'Pretty Girl', hoping that a miracle would happen and I'd actually improve for once. I can't let my team down. My throat was parched, dry and sore from singing for over 7 hours straight, having missed lunch and dinner. My stomach rumbled as I finished the 200th round of practicing the song, but I ignored the hunger pangs and how thirsty I was, concentrating on improving. I tried to reach a high note but as soon as the chorus came around, I burst into a fit of coughing, collapsing to the ground. What would my team think of seeing me so weak, so frail, so pathetic and undeserving? What would Producers think? What would Seungwoo hyung think? Ah yes, Seungwoo hyung..he's kind, talented, sexy...he's perfect. And what am I? 'Cute' little Son Dongpyo who shouldn't have been the center. As I continued to belittle myself, my coughing eventually faded to hiccuping, tears falling freely.

"Get up."

I whispered to myself, wiping my tears and standing up to walk to the dance practice room again. 

(3:50 AM) 

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get the choreography right. Not perfect enough. My head spun as my legs threatened to drop to the floor. My skull felt as if it was tearing apart, my lungs burned, and my stomach clawed at itself, hunger taking over my being yet again. I hunched over, wrapping my arms around my middle and sniffling quietly, trying to muffle my sobs. I need to be perfect...I have to...I have to....I have to....perfect....not deserving of the center. weak....pathetic...useless.. I have to be perfect.....perfect....perfect... Before I knew it, it was as if my lungs had stopped working properly as I had began to hyperventilate, the world spinning as I struggled to take in a full breath. I should have never joined Produce. I should have never become the center. I won't debut. Nausea creeped up in my throat and my stomach lurched, begging for me to allow myself to reject what little food I had consumed for breakfast. Wouldn't hurt, I need to lose weight anyway. The world seemed so far away, as I wobbled to the door, hearing faint footsteps from outside. Seungwoo. 

"Dongpyo!" 

I immediately collapsed in front of Seungwoo, my entire body shaking violently. He couldn't tell if i was sobbing, or coughing, or gagging. The tears streaking my cheeks seemed to be too plentiful to be just a result of the force of my heaves. 

"I don't like it..." 

I whispered, still swallowing rapidly; but then the feeling overwhelmed me as I heaved, the muscles in my abdomen pressing tightly upwards. I whimpered softly, wishing that this would all stop. The muscles contracted again, and it happened too quickly for me to fight it. A gush of liquid flowed up my throat and i jerked forwards, immediately vomiting onto the floor, pouring from my mouth, tears leaking from my eyes. I could feel Seungwoo's hand rubbing my back in an attempt to make me feel better, but it wasn't working. Once the vomiting had stopped, I took a few deep breaths in, trying to control my breathing.

(Seungwoo POV)

I didn't know what to do. Dongpyo retched over the floor, unable to catch his breath. What was he doing practicing at this time?! I brought him into a hug as soon as the heaves stopped, planting small kisses to the boy's neck. 

"Oh baby..." 

He was still shaking and crying, covering his mouth.

"Gosh, Dongpyo, what thoughts are going through your pretty mind, huh?"

Dongpyo laughed bitterly at such a word and faced me.

"Seungwoo hyung...please help me. I- I read comments about me...and I think they're true. How do I improve? How do I stop being so pathetic? How do I become perfect like you?"

I sat in awe at my baby's words. No...I realised that my poor baby, Son Dongpyo, who deserves the world, had been hated on so much that he'd been forced to overwork himself and believe those horrible things...it can't be true. 

"Dongpyo-ah. It's going to be all right. Why would you think of yourself in that way? You're talented, handsome, and kind. Cheeky, fun, trustworthy. You're everything." 

He sobbed in my arms, again, unable to break his self loathing cycle. 

"Come on, up you go." 

I picked the boy up, and he was surprisingly lighter than expected. What had he done to himself? He wrapped his arms and legs around me as i carried him to my dorm room, placing him on my bed. The others, who were asleep, didn't mind and most likely wouldn't mind if Dongpyo slept here.

"Baby, let's get your clothes off, hm?"

Dongpyo whined, sitting up as I took his sweaty t shirt off. I then got up to get him some water, lifting the cup to his dry lips. He took it gratefully, drinking every drop. Dongpyo's tummy gave a large groan, reminding me that the poor trainee hadn't eaten all day. 

"Babyboy, we need to get some food into you. Can you manage some soup?"

I asked but got a moan in response as Dongpyo pulled the covers over himself. 

"Mhm too tired, Seungwoo hyung....." 

I sighed, hopping into the bed, clutching Dongpyo to my chest, wrapping my arms around his smaller frame and kissing his neck.

"Don't ever think badly of yourself, Pyo. Whatever you're going through, we can fix it. Just rest for now, yeah? Good baby."

Dongpyo yawned and began to slip into sleep, and I followed soon after, hoping that I would be able to help him in the morning.


	2. Good luck, Haenami.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinwoo was eliminated, but he was and always will be Jinhyuk's one pick. (Platonic)
> 
> Warning: Angst, angst and more angst.

(Narrator)

No. It couldn't be. How did Haenami get eliminated? The first thing that occupied Jinhyuk's mind when the eliminations began was: please, please god, let Haenami pass this round. Please. It was all he wished for, heck, even him getting eliminated was better than his (on screen) son. But it had all happened too fast. Jinwoo wasn't called out for the top ten, or 20. It was unreal, and out of the corner of his eye, Jinhyuk spotted the poor trainee struggling to holding back tears as he tried to smile for his friends. 'Fuck' Jinhyuk cursed in his mind, and whispered,

"Haenami..." 

For the rest of the filming, he couldn't think straight. What was the point of debuting if his Jinwoo wasn't with him? 

As soon as filming ended, Jinwoo curled up in a ball near the chairs, rocking back and fourth while Yohan, Hyeongjun, Dohyon and others quickly comforted him, rubbing his back as he sobbed into his hands, his face flushed with fever and stress. All of his hard work was for nothing. Jinhyuk ran over, pushing the crowd of trainees aside to see his baby son bawling his eyes out, looking as frail as ever. Jinwoo doesn't deserve this. He shouldn't have to be put through so much pain so young. 

"Oh Haenami..." 

He sunk to his knees in front of the younger, immediately pulling him to his warm chest and kissing his cheek softly. 

"Shh, shh, Haenami. It'll be alright. You did well, don't worry sweetheart." 

He was spluttering nonsensical words out but the meaning was clear as day. 

"I-I'm s-sorry h-hyung...I didn't w-work hard enough. I-I'm so sorry, Apa.." 

The older trainee's heart broke, seeing Jinwoo so defeated.

"What? What are you sorry for, baby?"

They were both full on crying now, and debated on whether going back to the dorm was best. After all, it was Jinwoo's last night and he wanted them to be together, one last time. He wanted to sleep next to his son.

"Come on, Haenami. Let's go to bed. You look exhausted."

He nodded and followed his hyung to his bed in the dorms. Once settled and in pjamas, Jinwoo spoke up once more. 

"Hyung...I think I know why the producers didn't vote for me.." 

Jinhyuk cocked his head. 

"Because I'm never enough. You want cuteness? Try Dongpyo, or Hyeongjun. Young innocence? Dohyon. Rappers? Singers? They're all in the top 20, but there's nothing special about me..."

He looked down, getting under the blankets cozily and watching Jinhyuk get in too. 

"Baby...how could you even think that? Don't think that. You put your heart into that performance and if they can't see talent, theyve got to have their eyes checked." 

They both giggled slightly an drew Jinhyuk wrapped his arms around Jinwoo. 

"I'll sleep here tonight, okay angel? Hyung will look after you. You did such a good job, Haenami." 

He smiled and answered, 

"Thanks, Apa. I'll miss you! I won't give up either, and I hope you make the debut group!"

"That's my Haenami!"


	3. X1 MEMBERS

1\. Kim Yohan  
2\. Kim Wooseok  
3\. Han Seungwoo  
4\. Song Hyeongjun   
5\. Cho Seungyeon  
6\. Son Dongpyo  
7\. Lee Hangyul  
8\. Nam Dohyon  
9\. Cha Junho  
10\. Kang Minhee  
X. Lee Eunsang (thank fUCK it was him...)


	4. Don't overwork, Dongpyo (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Set after Debut)  
> Seungwoo and Dongpyo celebrate after their debut as X1. Fluff, angst, you name it.

"Apa! Seungwoo hyung!"

As soon as the trainees made their way off of the Produce x 101 live stage for the last time, Seungwoo was immediately attacked by Dongpyo's arms snaking around his waist, burying his head in the older trainee's chest, sobbing with happiness. His hyung could only stare down at the cute boy with absolute admiration and love; they had both debuted. He clutched onto Dongpyo's shirt as tears leaked out of his eyes, too. Not for himself, but for Dongpyo. After all that boy had gone through...he made it. And Seungwoo knew it all along. All those nights calming his son down, sleeping next to him, comforting him when he had panic attacks and building up his self esteem to what it once was...it had all added up to his debut. Seungwoo leaned down and placed a kiss on Dongpyo's forehead. 

"My Son~ You're going to debut with your Dad~ See? There was nothing to worry about, babyboy!"

He laughed, wiping both of their tears. They both laughed and hugged, seeing the rest of the debut members coming closer to them to celebrate. Yohan, Wooseok, Hyeongjun, Seungyeon, Hangyul, Dohyon, Junho, Minhee and Eunsang crowded around the two, engulfing them in an almost bone crushing hug. They did it. They made it. After a very long crying and hugging session, they all went back to their homes before moving into the group dorm very, very soon. Seungwoo couldn't resist seeing the ecstatic expression of Dongpyo telling his family how happy he was, so without a doubt, he went to stay over at his house for a sleepover before the new day. At around 1:00, they were finally in their beds, just sitting in silence. 

"Seungwoo hyung...i can't believe it! I'm so...i'm so..." 

Dongpyo started to tear up again just thinking about all of the future memories they were going to make together, and the hardships they'd overcome to get here. Seungwoo cooed and crept under his covers, bringing the trainee closer and closer until their foreheads were both touching, Seungwoo's arm on Dongpyo's. 

"Baby...you can believe it. We're here, and i'm not going anywhere. I'm so proud of you, Pyo. So, so proud. You can rest now, don't stress your mind anymore...don't give up. I..i.."

Dongpyo squeeled and gripped onto him.

"Aw~ Seungwoo hyung! Are you crying?

"Yes. Yes i'm crying...i'm so happy."

Dongpyo 'awwed' and wiped his hyung's tears. They both soon relaxed in each other's embrace, overwhelmed with excitement for the future. 

"Shh, shh, my cute Dongpyo~ go to sleep, babyboy. I'll never leave you, promise. You debuted, Pyo."

Seungwoo continued to hush Dongpyo and whisper soothing words of praise into his ear, until they both fell asleep, legs entangled, bodies close, minds even closer. Seungwoo ran a hand through Dongpyo's hair, kissing his head once more.

"hhng..g'night Apa..."

Dongpyo mumbled, finally falling into a peaceful sleep, knowing that the two of them were going places.


	5. Without You...(Hyeongjun/Mingyu)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyeongjun learns to cope with debuting in X1 without his secret boyfriend, Mingyu, but has struggle along the way. Romantic Mingyu/Hyeongjun slight Hangyul/Hyeongjun.

Hyeongjun couldn't bare it. He should be happy- happy that he and his close friends are on the edge of debut in X1. Currently, they're filming their debut M/V and doing photo shoots, but he can't concentrate. The photographer has a scowl decorated across his stubbly face, tapping his foot impatiently as he eyes the boy up and down.

"Hyeongjun, concentrate. The way you're acting isn't good enough."

Hyeongjun smiled weakly, managing to pull off another seemingly effortless pose. Although...he couldn't bare to smile. How could he when he had to leave his boyfriend, Mingyu, behind. He hadn't seen his hyung in ages, and looks like with X1's upcoming debut, they wouldn't have enough time to see each other. Mingyu didn't make it to the team. Hyeongjun did. He felt so guilty and depressed over the fact that his best friend is GONE. Mingyu once told Hyeongjun that if he didn't debut, he would go to college and null his contract with Jellyfish ent, ending his dream of becoming an idol there and then. Just the thought made Hyeongjun want to cry.

"Hyeongjun, they want you at the set." Minhee called out, having finished his solo shoot. Hangyul, who was passing by, asked, 

"You okay, Hyeongjun? You seem kind of...distant. Everything alright?" 

He nodded, and then shook his head in denial, cracking a half hearted smile.

"I'm fine, hyung. Thanks for worrying about me~" 

Hangyul stared at the younger with undenied concern- he hadnt been feeling himself lately, and everyone knew it. Not only did Mingyu not debut, he told Hyeongjun something unforgivable...

(Flashback)  
As Song Hyeongjun and Kim Mingyu hugged after the last ranking announcement, the older of the two buried his head in Hyeongjun's shoulder, firstly congratulating him and then confessing something unimaginable. 

"Hyeongjun-ah, let's break up. I'm going to college, you've debuted. We can't go on."

Hyeongjun's heart s t o p p e d. Did his secret boyfriend seriously call it quits on STAGE? He pulled back, in shock and quietly whispered, 

"What?"

Mingyu patted his shoulder an drew brushed past, tears finally escaping. 

"I'm breaking up with you. Good luck in the future."

Hyeongjun felt his entire world fall apart in a matter of seconds as Mingyu hurriedly rushed off stage without him. 

(End Flashback)  
Hyeongjun knew it was for the best, and tried to tell himself that Mingyu still loved him, but since that day, he hadn't got one text back from him. It was tearing the boy up inside. After the shoot, all the members went back to their dorm room, where he scooted underneath the covers, shaking and crying. 

"Mingyu hyung..."

He wailed, not even bothered by the fact that Hangyul was sleeping near him in the bunk bed above. The older trainee stirred, awoken by the cries of his groupmate. He climbed down the ladder and sat on the edge of the bottom bunk. Hyeongjun looked a mess. He looked broken, so frail, and all he wanted to do was hug the boy as tightly as he could and tell him everything was going to work out.

"Hyeongjunnie, poodle~ What's up, hey?" 

He shook Hyeongjun's shoulder, making him fall into Hangyul's arms, a son he cradled the boy sweetly. 

"I know you're sad about Mingyu, baby. We all are. I know that you two...dated. Whatever you're all going through, we can fix it. Don't worry, sunshine."

Hyeongjun smiled, wiping his tears and strongly gazing at Hangyul.

"You're right, hyung! S-screw Mingyy! If he doesn't want me, I sure as hell don't want him!" 

He proudly yelled.

Ping.

That's when he noticed the incoming call was from Mingyu himself.


End file.
